Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Insomnia

1.. 2.. 3.. I lay as still as possible, enveloped in the thick flannel sheets. The events of the day drift through my thoughts in random order. None of them stick. 13… 14… 15… In… 17… Out… 19… Each breath paced, slowing gradually. The same process ever night. Maybe tonight I will sleep. 34… 35… 36… Soft music drifts from the iPod next to my head, keeping my mind occupied with song, with perpetual counting. 57… 58… 59… I’m floating as my body shuts down. I can’t feel the sheets on my skin. I can’t feel the cool breeze I know comes through the window, rattling the blinds. 70… 71... 72… My senses start to fade further into unconsciousness. My limbs are heavy. 81... 82… 93… Or was I at 83? I don’t remember, I must be almost there. 104… 105… 106… Where is my body? I can’t feel anything. My brain searches for my right arm but feels nothing. 120… 121... 122… The number become slow, labored, where was I? Did I skip one? 143… 145… 146… I can’t tell if I’m breathing. I must be. I have to be. Right? 158… 159… 160… Am I still awake? I feel like I’m going insane. Insane people think they are sane, right? I must not be crazy. 180… 191… 183… I start to feel something. A sharp pain tries to nudge its way into my head. 205... 206... 207… I will not move. I will not move. I will not move. 212… 213…. 214… A nail of pain pierces into my hip, taunting me. 237…238… 239… I will not move. 259… 260… Can’t take much more of this. 272… My body wakes itself up as I try to readjust. I find a position I think I could stay in all night.





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